Just "getting by"

About special needs kids, I have two of them. I would not trade them for anyone else's kids ever. The days are long in the summer and short in the fall. The thing is.. it is hard. Not just hard but sometimes seems impossible, unreal and surreal. People who have "regular kids" have a tricky time understanding us. "Unbelievable. I've never heard of that. How did that happen? Its hereditary? That is so scary! How can they go to regular school and church? Why don't I see that behavior? How could you call the police on your children? How do you do it?" So many questions and I'm proud to say, I do have the answers. We have spent over 6 years doing almost nothing but dealing with mine and my children's mental health disease - I can confidently say I've learned some things. No - I would never claim to know everything!! Just that I do know my kids, my kids' needs and my needs. 

In order for this family to function properly so many things need to be done every single day. We have an entire team on our side who help us. I can list just a few - but many more are "silent partners" you could say. Only by the grace of God we have an amazing psych doctor on our side who sees us for who we are and understands everything in and outside of our situation. She has fought for us with insurance battles, called me while out of state on vacation, lets me call her cell phone anytime day or night, researched our genetic testing so thoroughly that we have information that will help them in adulthood. Families Care - a parent advocate who helps us get the services we need at school, we have friends, patient leaders at church and at camp who handle our kids with such grace, babysitters, respite care, health insurance...MST therapy, other therapists and people who know exactly what I need when I say "can you come over RIGHT NOW" and its not really a question.. lol... okay I'm can get carried away so I won't start naming people but you know who you are. 

The point is, we are getting by. We are not perfect, not doing everything right but we are fighting for our kids. We as parents are our kids best (and sadly sometimes only) advocate. I remember starting out with my mental health battle.. asking for help or even dealing with it was so out of the question. It broke me, and it shattered my pride when I had to take medication for the first time, go to the hospital for the first time, and admit "I'm broken". I am by no means fixed but what's amazing is that God is repairing me and repairing my family. I've seen it so many times over just a couple years. It makes me praise Him everyday for making it through another day - for just getting by. When we finally asked for and got the help we have needed, (that is relevant and available that is) its amazing what happens when you just give up in a way and say "God I need help" He really can give it to you... just open your heart and mind. We did and that's how we have made it thus far. 

I know, I know, life should be more than just "getting by" right? I tend to have a negative attitude, the upside to that is I know the difference between reality and faking it. I faked it for many years and it made me bitter and angry that nobody understood me. DUH!! If your silent how can anyone help you?? By "just getting by" I mean we have all our needs met - we don't always have a lot of extras and we are okay with that. So I may speak the truth and most people don't like it, well I'm tired of faking. 

If you get to know me you can soon find that my Faith is strong. I know that God is carrying me, and molding me into His servant. I know God has given himself to me in the form of people, their deeds, and the bible. I know that God has saved a place; a reward for me in Heaven. He is not asking us to be spectacular or amazing, delirious with joy or successful all of the time. He is asking us to be real -sometimes that means suffering is in order. Humility is in order. When we have sinned most of us feel shamed, embarrassed, sad, scared and many other unpleasant feelings. Its the Holy Spirit talking! We need to stop and listen. Truth is: WE ALL SIN, EVERYDAY! So it's natural to feel a little bad, earth is not as good as it gets for us believers!

Do me a favor friends... Next time you think I've got a bad attitude, or I'm too negative or any of the other "advice" stuff you say:  I'm just keeping it real. There are so many amazing, bountiful, wonderful gifts God gives us everyday..  I choose to praise HIM for that - not the people around me. I am constantly thanking God for the blessings all around us. Don't think I don't see it because I certainly do. No facebook post is going to define what my entire life is about. Check out a book I learned a LOT from: "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp @ www.aholyexperience.com

 Need some proof? here ya go, some truths breathed from the God of the universe Himself:

Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be. 
Job 8:7 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 
Matthew 5:4

Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 
John 12:25

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 
Psalm 16:11

Just "getting by" in this world, to me is awesome.  


Learn something new everyday.

What happens to May?

It is May. Time to look past the summer and ahead to the next school year. The planning and registering and touring new schools starts already. I can see why - summer does spin by pretty fast. Unfortunately it seems May gets "skipped". End of year recitals, programs, school projects and more take over and consume the entire month. Its like I blink and its June!

Personally I get my kids summer schedules put together before May starts. I get them registered for camps, library programs, swim lessons, dentist, Dr checkups and even plan little vacations! We start saving in February to pay for everything, (including pool passes).  I have found that if I wait - then its the first or 2nd week in June before we decide what to do all summer. By then, things are full, money is gone, & I've just gotten lazy. 

 Reality is: this week I will register one girl for middle school, & one for 3rd grade. I feel.... a little sick to my stomach. I'm finding that I can't control everything in their lives. My desire is to control EVERYTHING.

 What I've learned about giving up control:
1. it is hard
2. it is necessary
3. it is a relief
4. it is scary

Its a relief. Yep, when we allow God to take all control of our lives (which he has anyway) its a relief, a weight off the shoulders. Its a promise to us that God has everything in his hands and we need to step out of the way and just pray. Pray to let Him know we are on His side, that whatever is in the plan, we will roll with it!

true story of how God teaches me lessons on greed and materialism: I was making banana bread this AM - complaining to Tom how I need a Kitchen Aid Mixer because mine dosen't have enough power... etc.. and I fell in love with a teal one I saw the other day for only $395.00. (which just happens to be one of the colors im painting my utility room) He said "when you use this one enough to burn it up t...hen I will get you one" Ok, so now Im thinking - awesome Im going to bake EVERY DAY!! So - as Im mixing the dough I hit the "power boost" (button the Tom reminded me of that I've never used) the mixer starts jumping around and the batter flies all over my kitchen, took 15 mins to clean everything! So my lesson on materialism: use what you have, it IS good enough, don't let marketing, society and fancy colors make you believe you need MORE!

 

"The greedy bring ruin to their households, but the one who hates bribes will live." -Proverbs 15:26-28

 

 

Learn something new everyday.