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I opened the door

This blog post is old, just saw that it had never been published. I think it is time:

I saw her with my eyes when I opened her bedroom door. The clothing she picked out in the morning that wasn't the same as she laid out at bedtime. A long skirt she had pulled up under her armpits and trying to tie the belt part around her neck like a strap. "YOU LOOKED AT ME!! YOU JERK!! YOU LOOKED I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT ME!!" I saw her because I had to get into the room to get clothes for sister. She knows that is not what she is supposed to wear. As the clothes sit on her desk she continues to get dressed.. she ended up putting on a shirt and looked appropriate. Now she will come home and face the problem of clothes need hung up. Problem? yeah this is a problem. She will stomp and yell and probably throw them across the room, until we no longer give her any attention at all. Then, if she wants to get out of her room the clothes will need to be hung up.. will she even get to the din…

Just "getting by"

About special needs kids, I have two of them. I would not trade them for anyone else's kids ever. The days are long in the summer and short in the fall. The thing is.. it is hard. Not just hard but sometimes seems impossible, unreal and surreal. People who have "regular kids" have a tricky time understanding us. "Unbelievable. I've never heard of that. How did that happen? Its hereditary? That is so scary! How can they go to regular school and church? Why don't I see that behavior? How could you call the police on your children? How do you do it?" So many questions and I'm proud to say, I do have the answers. We have spent over 6 years doing almost nothing but dealing with mine and my children's mental health disease - I can confidently say I've learned some things. No - I would never claim to know everything!! Just that I do know my kids, my kids' needs and my needs. 

In order for this family to function properly so many things need to b…

What happens to May?

It is May. Time to look past the summer and ahead to the next school year. The planning and registering and touring new schools starts already. I can see why - summer does spin by pretty fast. Unfortunately it seems May gets "skipped". End of year recitals, programs, school projects and more take over and consume the entire month. Its like I blink and its June!

Personally I get my kids summer schedules put together before May starts. I get them registered for camps, library programs, swim lessons, dentist, Dr checkups and even plan little vacations! We start saving in February to pay for everything, (including pool passes).  I have found that if I wait - then its the first or 2nd week in June before we decide what to do all summer. By then, things are full, money is gone, & I've just gotten lazy. 

 Reality is: this week I will register one girl for middle school, & one for 3rd grade. I feel.... a little sick to my stomach. I'm finding that I can't control …
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true story of how God teaches me lessons on greed and materialism: I was making banana bread this AM - complaining to Tom how I need a Kitchen Aid Mixer because mine dosen't have enough power... etc.. and I fell in love with a teal one I saw the other day for only $395.00. (which just happens to be one of the colors im painting my utility room) He said "when you use this one enough to burn it up t...hen I will get you one" Ok, so now Im thinking - awesome Im going to bake EVERY DAY!! So - as Im mixing the dough I hit the "power boost" (button the Tom reminded me of that I've never used) the mixer starts jumping around and the batter flies all over my kitchen, took 15 mins to clean everything! So my lesson on materialism: use what you have, it IS good enough, don't let marketing, society and fancy colors make you believe you need MORE!
"The greedy bring ruin to their households, but the one who hates bribes will live." -Proverbs 15:26-28 Learn …

God and Pride

God is so powerful. The pride that is hidden in my heart gets forced out of me without me even knowing sometimes. Because of the Holy Spirit my mouth talks and my brain thinks - usually the things God wants me to say and do. I don't usually decide that stuff on my own. If it were up to me I'd never ask anyone for help. I'd be dedicating my life to everyone else but myself, adopting every child and pet on earth then probably neglecting them so I can go take care of my neighbor. Why is it so easy to take care of other's problems but when it comes to our own - ignorance is bliss. This way of thinking is natural for someone like me with a natural caregiver instinct. Its not the worst trait to have but is surely difficult to deal with.  Getting myself mentally prepared to go to UNMC with my Mom for some high dose of chemotherapy. I know it will be challenging (as this illness is anyway) but for my own piece of mind and for her sake, I know its worth it. The kids will stay w…
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Life is complicated. difficult even. I am learning through my spiritual journey that I am nothing but a speck - like the speck in the movie "Horton Hears a Who". Horton cared enough for that "speck" and believed in it - their was life in there. He did everything to make the others believe. Sometimes I feel like Im the speck and Jesus is the "horton". Jesus cared enough for me even though Im nothing... Im not deserving of the love and grace he has given me. But he believes in me and even died for me. Luckily the story didn't turn out that way for Horton - he stood his ground and eventually the truth was known. I pray that will happen for the non believers.. . I pray we all learn something from Horton. We can bring our loved ones, strangers and co-workers to believe in Jesus and what he did for us.. for every one of us. Friends, keep sharing the word, have faith. We were never promised this would be easy or comfortable but we are called to share the gos…