Size 14 what??

Long time no Blogs... Life has been getting in the way of my blogging. But that is how it goes right. I'm still working on this lifestyle.

So here is the progress:

 We have to have health screenings for our health insurance and I compared my results this year to last year at this time and I'm happy say I'm down 18 pounds, 3 inches on my waist and down 2.5 BMI points since last August. Although I just started this journey in late February with small changes. I feel pretty good. I know its slow but its better than the 18 pound gain I had the year before!

These are the goals I've been working on:
1. half-caff coffee
2. no liquids 30 mins before and after meals
3. No breads on sandwiches
4. Increased activity
5. French Fries... many many less than normal. Like I've eaten about 6 of them in as many weeks.

YAY! It's about small changes for me. I am not great at commitment so its hard for me to keep up with anything for long. This is exciting!

I'm still unsure where this journey will lead but the goal is HEALTHY! I'm really getting excited about living longer, more active and healthy lifestyle.

The small changes are working well for me right now.
My next BIG goal is to fit into these shorts.
They are size 14. yeah, guys. I'm for real..I put them on and they don't even go past my hips..
BUT I think they will look great on me! I think that would be about a 120 pound weight loss. Just putting that out here for the world to see me win loose or fail. I'm going to try! And whatever happens I know it will be okay!

NO French fries!

Its the end of my 3 months of medical weight management- You may know that the last 6-8 weeks has been pretty rough so we decided to do another month! I am enjoying learning new ways to eat and moderation. Even with a few bumps.. (ok lets be real here... MOUNTAINS) Since the first of July - I'm so proud to say i'm down 20 pounds since I started changes in Feb. I know its not a lot but ya know.. I've lost 10 pounds in a week before and we all know how that goes. So I'm not giving up. I have little over 100 to go. 
I've been sick with sinus infection maybe for weeks.. been awful tired and many headache days. Finally called in to dr yesterday and started on some antibiotics, slept a LOT and woke up today feeling refreshed and little less dizzy! 
Thanks for sticking with me through this! 
I'm excited what the next month will bring. 

Some of my goals are:
1. get better at tracking food
2. Gym 2x week
3. cutting carbs in half.
4. cut daily caffeine in half.

Some things I've already concurred:
1. NO POP
2. No Coffee Creamer 
3. half the amount of carbs/pasta/ & breads that I would normally eat. 
4. significant decrease in pain!  

Long way to go guys but I appreciate your support and prayers!! xoxo

Have I mentioned I love french fries? Yep I do. And I don't plan on cutting them out forever.. changing the quantity I eat yes, for sure. Going without them for a period of time while I train myself to eat = difficult!

Last few weeks has been interesting, I took a fabulous trip with my cousin Julie, Jared, Lynn & Liz. Lots of surprises along the way from Vegas to Disney and two trips to the ocean!! What a whirlwind. Also we ate. We ate a lot of food. I learned a few things on the trip. 1. I can't eat like that. My body hated me and my shoes got too tight from swelling. 2. I am really out of shape. It takes being in decent shape to do all the fun things that I desire! 3. I'm taking that trip again after 100 pound weight loss! And this time i'm bringing my kids and i'm going to keep up with them! Whew!! That is a lot to say out loud. Leaving me pretty vulnerable. When? I don't know for sure but I'm counting on it.

Seem like a pretty hefty goal? Well I'm a pretty hefty gal with a lot to lose so...I'm doing what I can to make it happen, when? I don't have that answer but y'all will know when it does because guaranteed I'll look different!

Here are a few favorite pics from my trip. I'm trying to get 600+ pictures narrowed down to maybe like 400.

trump tower

beach hair

this is where I belong

why was I born in the middle of         america? 

To a new adventure - investment in my future.

Here is my first Blog post: I'm using the same blog I've always used because I don't need all kinds of blogs just hanging out on the web for no reason.. If you want to look at old posts feel free. This is going to be a safe place for me to start over - I may vent or cry or over eat - I'm just trying to make my life better and asking for people to come along side and pray for me during all of this. The destination is healthy not skinny. 
Here is my facebook post to kick it all off: 
My stomach turns as I typed and posted this so fast before I could chicken out. 

Ok Friends, I usually don't share a lot of big goals because - well fear of failure. I fail a lot as we all do- but I tend to personalize it and hate myself because of it. I am challenging myself to be transparent and humble in my efforts to lose weight. I'm starting a big journey. I don't want any diet advice, any pills or supplements - i'm working with a doctor, nutritionist and therapist. I'm not asking for advice.. but if you are willing to support me in my journey would you simply give me a "like". I'm going to be blogging about my journey and try not to bore anyone to death, but if you are on my team let me know so I can ask for your support and prayers and maybe some accountability. I'm fearful and teary writing this because I'm scared to fail.. again. But I know by the Grace of God I can do this. p.s. I'm going on a big vacation and I will not be eating perfect and I will be drinking a little too.. please don't judge. This didn't happen overnight and I will not lose weight overnight either. Its about behavior changes - long term. Baby steps and goal setting is where I am right now.

Raven was Brilliant

This morning on the way to school - Allie was saying her Mom threatened to send her to Boys Town. Avery and I explained to her what its like, since she has been to the one here in town. She explained how they make you do everything (chores) and ride their van to school etc.
I told her she needed to give her mom a break and stop acting out and being disrespectful. I explained how I felt as a Mom when both my girls were younger and Tom was always gone - I was overwhelmed and ready to give up.
Then: Raven was brilliant. Allie started talking about when her dad gets home from out of state (for four days) her Mom is going to tell him she was bad. She got her phone taken away too. Raven proceeded to tell her that maybe she can earn it back by being good the rest of the time. In her sweet yet authoritative voice she quietly said "Its your choice, you can turn around your attitude right now and when your Dad comes home your Mom could say - "she was naughty a couple times BUT turned it around and has been good the whole rest of the time" or you're Mom can say "Allie was naughty the whole time."  I praised Raven for putting into perspective what I've been trying to teach her.. she is listening!
What a gift to hear my child teaching another child the exact things I'm trying to teach her. Very proud mama moment!
Sometimes we find out what we are working so hard for, is happening right before our eyes. We have to appreciate and recognize it. Only by the Grace of God. I know He has a plan for us and this little conversation is just more proof.

A few updated pictures of the family! Raven 6th and A in 9th!


Learn something new everyday.

I opened the door

This blog post is old, just saw that it had never been published. I think it is time:

I saw her with my eyes when I opened her bedroom door. The clothing she picked out in the morning that wasn't the same as she laid out at bedtime. A long skirt she had pulled up under her armpits and trying to tie the belt part around her neck like a strap. "YOU LOOKED AT ME!! YOU JERK!! YOU LOOKED I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT ME!!" I saw her because I had to get into the room to get clothes for sister. She knows that is not what she is supposed to wear. As the clothes sit on her desk she continues to get dressed.. she ended up putting on a shirt and looked appropriate. Now she will come home and face the problem of clothes need hung up. Problem? yeah this is a problem. She will stomp and yell and probably throw them across the room, until we no longer give her any attention at all. Then, if she wants to get out of her room the clothes will need to be hung up.. will she even get to the dinner table?

"soup kitchen" Its what "J" (her counselor) calls boring food. Nothing special: no desserts or extra snacks. Just food. For example while she is in "soup kitchen" she might get a plain meat/cheese sandwich, carrots and water. PB & J with sweet peas or green beans - and water to drink. I will never starve my child, she will always have enough food to eat. It doesn't always have to be exciting or yummylicious food that the rest of us might be having that day. For "A" there isn't much we can take away that she cares about. Food is one of the currency's that works. She hates it! NO SNACKS!! NO YOGURTS!! NO FLAVORED WATER!! You would think we just killed her kitten as much of a fit she throws. 

Because this morning she had a blow up and called me names, this week she slapped me, pushed"R" so she ran  into the washer, stomped and screamed at me again and again, as well as beat her head on the wall, throw things ... etc. Because it was a rough week we will say, she has soup kitchen tonight. no fun for anyone!!